I won't bore you with (most of) the details, but there was one incident that merits recording here. A little while after we first got there, not long after some bald forty-five-year-old guy in an Izod shirt and jeans that made his package stand straight out asked me to dance- which, by the way, I did, because I figure that that was the last chance he's going to have to dance with a hottie in her twenties like me, much less a hottie in her twenties who can FLASHDANCE BAYBEE- Adrie was sitting at the bar and suddenly poked me in the ribs and said, "Look at that guy behind me!" I turned around and there was a Lance Bass lookalike standing with a group of guys. I grabbed his left hand and sure enough there was a ring on it. "Sorry dude," I said to Adrienne. "He's married."
Adrienne was humiliated, but this is what we do to each other. This is why I love the girl so much. We have exactly the same sense of humor.
Wait, that's not the thing that merits recording. Just set-up.
So anyway, the guy thought this was really funny and we ended up talking to him and his friends the rest of the night. There were four of them: the cute Lance Bass, his really short friend with a high voice who thought he was flirting with me the whole time, his other really short gross bald OLD friend, who also thought he was flirting with me the whole night, and this other guy who like, fell in love with Adrienne the second they started talking. That happens every time we go out, some guy gloms onto her and won't go away for the rest of the night.
There is a point to this. The short bald old guy would not leave me alone. He kept doing this eye twitch thing that he thought was sexy, like Elvis sort of. It was fucking creepy. And he kept putting his arms around me, and making fun of me for being short (haha, so fucking funny you TROLL). At one point when I was talking to the married guy, Troll came over and actually ran his fingers through my hair. I seriously had the gag reflex. But I am too nice. Smartass but nice. So I didn't say anything.
At some point he made some comment and I pointed my index finger at him near his face for some reason and he fucking grabbed my hand and put my finger in his mouth and started sucking on it!
What is the word for what I did next? I... whipped my finger out of his mouth and just stared at him dumbfounded. I wasn't sure if punching him or ripping off his nutsack were appropriate, so I just stood there. His married friend, who by the way was maybe the NICEST guy I have ever met, started laughing.
Maggie: Tell your friend that if he wants to suck on my fingers he's going to have to buy me a drink first.
I finally got him to leave me alone when he was trying to tell me what he does for a living. He was spouting off some bullshit and I looked at him and said, "How stupid do you think I am?" He went away after that and macked on some other hoochie.
One other thing. Between the three of us(Me and A and her friend) we had seventeen drinks. To illustrate how trashed they were, only four of them were mine. But the point is, our tab was $35. In Chicago, seventeen of those drinks would definitely be somewhere in the three digits, depending on where you went.
So I'm thinking of moving to St. Louis.
One other notable thing: yesterday I went with Adrienne to get her new puppies.
Maggie coos at poopy
Adrie with her poopy
The other even more cute poopy
© beotch at
10:43 a.m.
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