-angry at Lee
-irritated that people I know read this
-annoyed at Halloween's existence
-disgusted with the behavior of men in general
-jealous
-fat
-tired
-soon to be once again, unemployed, couldn't come at a better time, the beginning of the season where it is hard for me to do a job I already have, much less find a new one
-wanting to move so I don't have to see any of the people who live here ever again
-sick of hearing from/dealing with Yamil
-sick of not hearing from the new Arab enough/dealing with his weird attitude, made all the worse by the fact that I know, because it's obvious and because he fucking told me, that he likes me, I don't care if it is fucking Ramadan
-sick of the fucking grey sky and shitty weather
-sick of wasting my time working out when all I do when I get home is go eat KFC
-tired of hearing about people getting killed
-tired of being able to feel my belly when I am sitting down
-SICK of babysitting for my uncle's fucking brats and for being so pathetic that I spend my fucking life as a part-time babysitter anyway. I can't even really call myself a real nanny. I'm a fucking babysitter. And now that I quit school, that is all I am.
I would like:
-Yamil to decide he doesnt like me and go away so I don't have to figure out how not to do this
-the Arab to disappear as well since I can't handle his snail like pace, and know that (even though we know each other in person, so therefore he has seen me) that I am far too fat and ugly for anyone to love anyway;
-EVERYONE to leave me the fuck alone
-to erase the fact that I have to meet about a hundred new people later this week
-to punch my aunt in the face for telling me all excitedly that soon she will have a new job so I "won't have to work for her anymore" seemingly thinking I would be happy at being fired, and also seeming to think I will still be on call when she needs to travel.
-to die, in general
-to know if this fucking vicious cycle will EVER end, and I already know that the depressing answer is no
-to get the fuck out of here and go live with my dad for the rest of my life.
© beotch at
11:15 p.m.
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