Since we are not talking now and by the time we do talk again, this won't be fresh in my mind, I want to write this here and maybe someday you will read it.
Thank you for all that you have given me over the last 4 years. I know I didn't see most of it because I was too focused on the things I wasn't getting that I wanted. But I look around here and I see all the things you have given me and all the time you have given me. I know there have been a lot of times when I got annoyed with things you tried to tell me or teach me or do for me. Or blatantly ignored things you did do for me because I didn't care about them. To go into the things that I have gotten from our relationship that you didn't directly try to give to me would be something else entirely.
I have been unfair to you in so many ways in the last three and a half years since we moved in together. I was never strong enough to let go of our relationship the many times the need to do so presented itself. I don't regret us staying together because I don't regret time spent with anyone that I love. But I have not lived up to my own personal standards for how someone I love should be treated. You deserved better. Especially for the last year. You really tried for the last year, and I was too far in the opposite direction to be able to meet you halfway.
I miss you and re-reading things I wrote about our relationship in the first year makes me really wonder what we could have had, if we had both been where we are now when we met. I don't know what the future holds, and I don't know if we will ever be together again. I have just reached a point where I hope that if we're not together, that you find someone who can receive the many amazing things you have to offer. I am sorry that I didn't. I'm sorry nothing you did ever made up for the things I wanted that we didn't have, and that I missed all the things our relationship did have to offer so many times. I'm sorry for whatever I did or whatever someone did to you that made you want to hold me at arm's length for 4 years. I just hope that you have that thing that I wanted us to have with someone, sometime. And if that's the case, you should know that I had the most fun with you of anyone, ever. I love you and will probably never stop.
© beotch at
4:14 p.m.
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